MIDLIFE MINDFULNESS AND BECOMING BOOZE FREE

Mother, Wife, Sister, Consultant, Volunteer, Friend,Daughter, Carer……Addict.

Just some of the many hats we wear, roles we play, masks we put on.

Like everyone else I’ve played a number of roles, maybe not all at the same time but always whilst an addict, I’m what some might call high functioning you see. I’ve showed up for that role consistently.

In fact I took pride in being able to play all the roles that I felt duty bound to fulfill. In my mind, at the time, I wanted nothing more than to show the world that no task and nothing could get the better of me, determined that no one would get to see that the addictive nature that I was desperately trying to keep under wraps was a battle I wasn’t winning.

Anyone who tried to raise the issue of my drinking, smoking, drama seeking ways was swiftly scorned and put to the bottom of the Christmas card list, they weren’t my type of people; Plus I didn’t want judgement when I had enough on my plate to deal with thank you very much!

Of course, I couldn’t see the care in their concern back then.

As I write this now it feels like a million years away, the thinking was quite clearly stinking! Undeniably I did have a lot on my plate – too much for me to deal with but the reality was that it was never going to get any easier by trying to numb it out. The trouble was I felt trapped and couldn’t see further than the end of my nose, all the issues I was trying to manage were only growing arms and legs as I stuffed them further and further down.

Fast forward to today, I still identify as an addict, although the old habits do still arise, they present themselves in the form of less destructive behaviours these days – skincare becoming my most recent ‘excess.’

Like many of us, I still have multiple roles to fulfill. The difference now is that I’m much more aware of the imbalances that trying to manage all the different parts of me can present and therefore less likely to react to the sense of overwhelm with a desire to numb out – AKA using alcohol to change the way one feels.

I have tools now!

Of all the tools that I continue to explore as part of recovery, mindfulness is the practice that has been the most constant companion. The first and continued step in the road to developing greater awareness of thinking patterns and the gateway to self acceptance and self compassion.

Who knew that these concepts even existed,not me, it was a revelation and subsequent gamechanger indeed!

Turns out these discoveries are also pretty useful at this mid point in life, where once again many of us are becoming aware of our transforming identities, shedding old skins and tentatively trying new ones on for size.

I’ll keep you posted on how it goes!